This morning I had an unusual dream.
I woke up early and didn’t check the time. I got ready for church then realized I still had a lot of time, so I laid back down for a moment.In that mysterious half awake half asleep state that’s always fastenated me, I saw a pair of clear blue eyes. All I could see infact were the eyes. It made me recall the vision I had

In 3rd period biology two years ago. My first open eyed vision was of a red evil demonic eye. My eyes were closed and I could see the huge eye and when I opened my eyes it was still there super imposed over my field of vision. At that time I also became some what obssessed with a fraze repeating it to myself as often as possible. “Demon eyes” I never did bother to find out what it meant.

What made this vision so interesting was later on that month or week a girl logged on to my instant messenger with a picture of a red eye in her display photo. It was a n unmistakable shade of red and that’s what’ made it interesting.
I avoided talking to the girl and that was the end of that story. I understand the blue eyes to be a stark contrast the the evil red eyes I saw clear back then. It’s a sign of the progress I’ve made in the inbetween time.

I woke up but could still see the blue eyes in my mind I asked aloud “Father, what do they mean?” No response. Then in church a woman who I’ve known for a while tought sunday school. But today was the first time I got a really good look at her eyes. No doubt the vision was telling me to pay attention to the Sunday school lesson and sure enough she made a comment about “eyes of understanding.” Later on she changed the topic of her lesson from what she opened up with to focus on a message about eyes of understanding I realized it would be important for me to write donw the major points but wasn’t able to get anything but a few words on my arm. The real point that was driven home for me was something like “be transparent before God, because he already knows the truth anyways. And let’s likewise be transparent to one another.” I realize I’ve been a little afraide of being “uncloseted” for a long time now… But why do I even care any more?

There was also brief mention of not condemning yourself for passed sins, a discussion which would have had application to me at the time because I was remembering a few awful things that I got involved with. They also talked about how God sometimes cuts ties on purpose so that you can’t go back down that road. I take it to be a message of direct correlation to me and Eliza. The last thing worth noting, I was reminded of the promise of the God to remove the discernment gift after I complete the demon notes which this journal entry will eventually be a part of. I need to get on the ball and finish!

Nothing else to report.

The connection is still there. I thought it had resolved years ago but it’s still there. I understand now what the yellow voices are… I know now what meaning and “it doesn’t make any sense to me” mean now. 12:00 PM the yellow voices began to whisper again.

Paul himself had a “thorn in the flesh” the torn was caused by a demon. I didn’t know that… Is that what it all means? Where do I go from here? I’m so lost.

ADDITION MADE ON MARCH 1 2010 2:29 AM.
This weeks was the two year aniversery of the day I fell on my knees outside the library. On February 24, 2010 I set my resolve to get rid of the connection once and for all. The connection to me looked like a chain this time around and instead of the usual black embelical cord. Last Sunday having been the worst attack in a very long time I resolved to remove the connection on the aniversery of my conversion. I prayed as I lay in bed when His voice said to me “sleep and I’ll take care of it.” I fell asleep.

I woke up the next morning and went to class. On the way I remembered of the night before and asked the Lord if was really gone. He told me to look for myself. I checked with the discernment gift and only saw three links and a half broken link. I stopped and asked myself if the pain was there… And for the first time it was actually gone. The demons that came over the connection between me and Eliza are still able to influence me even if I don’t have the connection. And they come and go and have been doing so for the last few days. There are three warrior class demons all have a human shape to me much like Jimmy did.

Today was the day I celebrate my conversion by going back to the library and renewing my promise to help fight the darkness and push back the bad things. I intended to skip out on my friends at church and go to the library however on my way out I ran into my uncle and ended up staying with him and talking for a few moments then we ended up going back in the building together. I take this as a message that I’m trapped in this system for better or worse and I’m gonna just have to gird my teeth and bear it for as long as it lasts and wait to see what the whole point is.

The lord tells me that my body is so used to a lot of the physical symptoms the connection caused that it’ll take a while for all of them to go away. This morning my knees were killing me, my hands had that numb tingling feeling and the usual stomach pain applied and the usual vomiting was present. But the overwhelming mental-emotional pain that I have learned to deal with is completely gone. And I feel like for the first time in years I’m free to be myself. (I suspect the pain was holding some aspect of my personality back and that’s why I feel this way.) It’s a very liberating feeling.

On that note I have what would appear to be 13 days to finish my current lesson and start a new one.

I hear would just like to wish Eily the best in the world. Wherever she is and whatever she’s doing that pain is still present in her heart. I really did care for you my friend and I am so sorry I let you down in the way that I did, but I failed and I need to accept that horrible fact and learn to move on. By removing the connection I can already feel my feelings for you becoming more platonic than they have been. They’re so much more like memories in the distinct passed than the real bleeding wounds that they have been for me.

The Lord has told me that after I finish what I call the demon notes (the detailed biography of my experience with the supernatural), I’ll be allowed to move on for real. He even went as far as to say He’d remove the discernment gift… I’m not sure where that’s going to end up but I hope to finish the notes very very soon.

In my apologetical studies I’ve bee reading about the doctrine of the scripture and have a new epration for the teachings on verbal inspiration. Upon asking the lord he said that at least for me and my life the poem Eily wrote that I carry around in my back pocket everywhere I go has the same kind of value and I need to take it’s words to heart and burn them in to my eyes to that I never lose sight. I also need to take another look at Jesus of Suburbia in this light.

Nothing else new to report.

It was a conversation on December 18, 2007 with a dear friend of mine that started it all. Over Windows Messenger we were talking about nothing of particular interest. Then she mentioned the up coming Christmas holiday and how she wasn’t a Christian yet still loved the season. As a natural spin off of that comment we discussed our own personal beliefs on the nature of reality. She held to some form of eastern animism and I at that point though I believed Jesus Christ was a revelation of God, was not exactly a Christian.

After this deep conversation I felt a renewed interest philosophy. I had studied the works of the classical Greeks as a side interest in my world civ class. I had a few of my own theories on the nature of the soul and such which came from this study of Plato and the others but I had yet to really stop and ask how much sense this made given what I know about the world and analyze other forms of thought. But this interest in philosophy quickly became an obsession to find the truth.

I’ll skip a few dozen things and move to the first encounter. It was a little neighborhood side street where no body was around. I slowly made my way up the street not really doing anything interesting. Just then for what seemed like no reason at… I’m not even sure how to describe it but I realized I could see outside of myself. Perhaps my own experience was analogous to that of an out of body or near death experience I really couldn’t say. I do know that it was as though I was standing behind myself and looking through 3D theater glasses. But I wasn’t alone, standing directly over my shoulder I could see a yellow — thing. It looked just like the demons you see in manga he had wings and the whole deal. Then in a flash it was gone, I was back in my own head and could see in front of me. Not knowing what had happened I just kept walking.

Over the next seven days I continued to see the thing who I nicknamed Yellow Eyes after the Supernatural character. I thought I had lost my mind. I — I really wasn’t sure what to do. That same dear friend who’s birthday it is and who started began the conversation gave me the advice. “Keep asking questions.” It spoke to me several times, never saying anything I could understand. It gave me a queasy feeling in my gut that to this day I don’t think has gone away. I was afraid to sleep at night what if it killed me in my sleep.

Skipping the next six months… I eventually was able to get the problem under control. Now here I stand, broken and changed. I had seen more pain than I can ever describe that to this very day I have yet to recover from. I had realized that for 16 years of my life I was dedicated to a lie and I wanted to make up for it. I now stood with that truth I had been seeking for so long I know that the truth is Jesus Christ is Lord.

Really not sure what to do I turned to a few internet searches and discussion boards for guidance. I began posting on the TeenSpot.com religion board but was quickly as most are met with responses from the skeptical new atheists movement. After several painful conversations with teenage skeptics I wanted desperately to prove my worldview to them. Not only to them I wanted to keep a promise I had made and share the gospel with that dear friend of mine. But I knew she wouldn’t be willing to listen and they wouldn’t listen without something to back up my claims. I then discovered the the field of Apologetics and the rest is all history I suppose.

Read it here: http://www.4truth.net/site/apps/nl/content3.asp?c=hiKXLbPNLrF&b=1171681&ct=1735995&printmode=1

P1. Materialism is the view that the sum and substance of everything that exists is exhausted by physical objects and processes and whatever supervenes causally upon them.

P2. The explanatory resources of materialism are therefore restricted to material objects, causes, events and processes.

P3. Neither nonlocal quantum correlations nor (in light of nonlocalizability) the identity of the fundamental constituents of material reality can be explained or characterized if the explanatory constraints of materialism are preserved.

P4. These quantum phenomena require an explanation.
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C Therefore, materialism/naturalism/physicalism is irremediably deficient as a worldview, and consequently should be rejected as false and inadequate.

universe.
This theistic argument from realism may be formalized as follows (where MR
stands for metaphysical realism, T for theism, and GS for global skepticism):
(9) If MR and ~T, then GS [Plantinga’s adaptation of Putnam’s thesis].
(10) MR [since its denial is counterintuitive and reduces to absurdity].
(11) ~GS [since we know things about the world].
(12) Therefore, either ~MR or T [from (9) and (11)].